Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance
Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance
Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance strives to provide affordable insurance coverage for individuals with special needs facing special paranormal circumstances. Sometimes, people need protection from things that may not be visible to the human eye and loss that cannot not be replaced with money. Sometimes, humans need to know that there’s a company of wizards that will literally fight them…or for them, against the many unseen forces that exist in the shadows.
For those people, the magicians at Dorftottel Paranormal Insurance, offer a simple and extremely cheap insurance policy against a range of paranormal ailments.
Buy a Dorftrottel insurance policy, it lasts a lifetime! (sometimes policies may even prove to last an after-lifetime too) If a paranormal event occurs, make sure that you have your camera out. You will need to prove what actually happened to the wizards. Simply record a policy message and then capture your paranormal video evidence. Submit the video to the wizards by inserting the public URL into our claim submission form found in the navigation bar. What’s a policy message? At the beginning of your video evidence, record yourself speaking into the camera, your name, the paranormal event that you need help with, and that you are filming for the purpose of providing paranormal evidence to Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance. Start your claim by clicking on the “claim submission” link at the top of the page. Upload your public video evidence to Youtube or Vimeo and then insert the video’s URL into your claim submission form along with your policy number. Once we receive your claim submission, the Wizards at Dorftrottel will confer and determine the authenticity of your video and the appropriate abatement package that will remediate your situation, which we will send to you via email or USPS. If the wizards determine that your claim qualifies for an abatement package, be ready to provide a shipping address for the Dorftrottel wizards who will contact you within 7 business days of receiving your claim.
How it Works
Coverage Includes:
LYNCANTHROPY Werewolves, they’re the worst! Once one of them infests your town it’s a nightmare to get rid of them. Whether you’re affected or infected by lyncanthropy, you’d better be prepared with our insurance policy.
ALIENS We live our lives carelessly unaware of the higher beings that simply need to explore and learn from our soft and squishy human bodies. A Dortrottel insurance policy may ease your transition from a normal human person into the trans-planetary lab rat you were “selected” to be. Let us help you, help them, help us!
ASTRAL RELOCATION Have you astral projected to the wrong place? We may be able to help. Dorftrottel offers ride shares and basic telepathic navigation services only available in the astral realm.
DREAM DENTAL Do you ever dream that your teeth are falling out? Maybe this means a relationship is falling apart or maybe a change is coming in your life. Never fear! Now you can have the smile of your dreams despite your constant mortal worries! With a Dorf Dental policy you will have access to Dorftrottel’s unique dream intervention technique!
SASQUATCH Not all Sasquatches are nice. Some really enjoy destroying your perfectly planted garden arrangements! With a Dorftrottel insurance policy you’ll receive expert guidance from the wizards on how to best protect yourself from those punk “Squatches” that don’t play by the rules!
CLAIRVOYANT PET Do your pets stare at you with a sense of knowing and judgment? Do you have horrible, shameful habits that your pets witness with regularity? With a Dorftrottel policy we will work to telepathically council your gifted pets to mind their own business. Although the wizards cannot erase your pet’s memory (for now) we can gently remind them of your better and “moral” characteristics.
GHOSTS Ghosts are an integral part of our everyday lives. Sometimes however, they can become quite the challenge. A Dorftrottel policy may help you to relax even while surrounded by the countless dead that watch you and your family bathe and sleep.
GOBLINS When goblins are gnawing at your nerves, don’t think “Ugh I can’t deal with all these goblins” think “Alright, Dorftrottel time!” Honestly, there’s not much you can do about goblins but if you’re a Dorftrottel policy holder the wizards will do their best to deliver valuable online moral support and counseling
Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance is in no way to be considered health insurance, dental insurance, or property/home insurance. The dream dental insurance refers to the dream realm only. Ride shares are only valid in the astral realm. Remediation to be provided by Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance to the purchaser of the comprehensive policy only. The policy holder must provide proof of paranormal insurance purchase or proof that the holder of the card bested the purchaser in a battle of magic or wit. Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance reserves the right to not provide payout for an insurance policy when the purchaser has not provided video proof of paranormal event, or has provided insufficient video proof of a paranormal event. Whether or not proof is sufficient can only be determined by a majority vote between the three wizards at Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance. Remediation of any paranormal event will range between an email confirming that the wizards at Dorftrottel have attempted to remotely communicate with the paranormal source in order to resolve the issue, Dorftrottel stickers, Dorftrottel t-shirts, or possible financial compensation in an amount that will be exclusively determined by Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance. Any proof of a paranormal event provided to Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance by the policy holder is subject to being posted publicly at www.dorfyou.com as well as Dorftrottel’s social media platforms because it may be cool or funny. Any proof provided to Dorftrottel Paranormal Insurance that contains graphic or offensive content will not be posted, is not condoned, and will be reported accordingly.
Legal Disclaimer
Are you a policy holder and need to submit a claim? Please complete this form and the wizards will gather to consider it!